9/11 Misconceptions, Rumors & Urban Legends

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• United States fighter jets shot down Flight 93 over western Pennsylvania. [Editor’s Note: Evidence strongly suggests passengers heroically took action against their hijackers.]

• Some dude, usually described as a police officer, actually “surfed” the wreckage from the 82^nd floor of the World Trade Center as it collapsed.

• CNN footage depicting Palestinians celebrating after the attack was actually filmed in 1991 during Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait.

• Survivors of the World Trade Center collapse made phone calls from under the rubble.

• Authorities developed a roll of film found in the wreckage of the World Trade Center that depicted a tourist on the observation deck seconds before the first plane made impact. [Editor’s Note: The guy is all bundled up like it’s in the middle of winter. Nice try!]

• Approximately 4,000 Jewish employees of the World Trade Center stayed home from work on September 11 after getting tipped off about the attack.

• ABC’s Peter Jennings questioned President Bush’s manhood on the air in the hours after the attack.

• A list of possibly offensive or insensitive songs such as “You Dropped a Bomb on Me” are officially banned from U.S. radio stations.

• Hindu secret agents of India plotted the attack to pit Christians against Muslims.

• A car bomb exploded at the State Department on September 11. [Editor’s Note: Various media outlets reported this item in the immediate hours of the attack.]

• The owner of a Dunkin’ Donuts somewhere in New Jersey burned the U.S. flag after the attacks. [Editor’s Note: Some idiot on the Internet started a boycott of Dunkin’ Donuts after hearing this rumor, which had no basis in fact. We’ve also heard the same rumor firsthand but we were informed that the locale was a Subway sandwich shop.]

• A coded message embedded in a Microsoft “Wingdings” font predicted the terrorist attack. [Editor’s Note: And Bill Gates is Satan, right?]

• A tourist took a photo of a UFO hovering over the World Trade Center as it was engulfed in flames.

• Osama bin Laden is related to O.J. Simpson or is in fact “The Juice” himself. [Editor’s Note: We are extremely worried that they’ll bring bin Laden back ALIVE to the United States and he’ll be defended by one of those asshole Dream Team lawyers.]

• The original title for head of Homeland Security was simply “THE ENFORCER.”

• The face of Satan himself can be seen in media photos of the billowing smoke engulfing the World Trade Center. [Editor’s Note: It looks like the devil to us.]

• Osama bin Laden once operated a topless donut shop in Uzbekistan.

• President Bush plans to record John Lennon’s “Imagine” with new lyrics supporting the bombing of Afghanistan.

• The terrorist attack was the work of space aliens. In addition, Bill Clinton and George Bush are both space aliens. [Editor’s Note: Check out back issues of The Weekly World News for more information.]

• Rudy Giuliani was recently given the opportunity to remain mayor of New York City for the rest of his life.

• Osama bin Laden once traveled to Beirut to receive treatment for testosterone deficiency. [Editor’s Note: For more information about bin Laden’s rumored “underdeveloped sexual organs” and his rejection by an American girl, grab a copy of the Globe, October 2, 2001.]

• Occupants of the World Trade Center were warned to leave the building 45 minutes before the first plane made impact.

• Approximately 30 rental trucks were missing from New York in the days after the attack, signaling that terrorists were planning a second strike.

• Still embittered about the Florida election count, [the newly bearded] Presidential loser Al Gore masterminded the attack.

• Osama bin Laden is an opium addict who is dying of liver cancer.

• “Bonanza” is the No. 1 rated show in Afghanistan.

• A U.S. military helicopter equipped with missiles was witnessed hovering around the World Trade Center 10 minutes before the first plane made impact.

• A couple of Arab school kids in Jersey (or was it Pennsylvania?) told their classmates of the impending attack.

• Osama bin Laden is the illegitimate son of Saddam Hussein.

• The Swiss engineered the attack in a desperate attempt to raise the price of gold.

• The folks at NASA requested that all Americans step outside their dwellings and light candles at a specified time so that a satellite photo could be made symbolizing national unity. [Editor’s Note: “I’d like to teach the world to sing . . .”]

• One of the terrorists rented Black Sunday, starring Robert Shaw and Bruce Dern, three nights before the attacks.

• Shopping malls around the United States are targeted for terrorism on Halloween. [Editor’s Note: This rumor was told to American girl by her Afghan boyfriend, who has mysteriously disappeared, according to rumor . . .]

• Osama bin Laden’s younger brother, Nicky bin Laden, is a successful lounge singer in Vegas.

• Israel’s Mossad secret intelligence organization was behind the attack. [Editor’s Note: This one is popular on the streets of Pakistan.]

• After the Arab American owner of a convenience store was witnessed celebrating the attack, the driver of a Budweiser truck pulled all Bud beer cans off the shelves there.

• A piece of rubble from the World Trade Center sold for $5,800 on ebay.

• Video cameras were positioned in advance all around the World Trade Center to capture different angles of the terrorist attacks.

• The water supply [in your town] is poisoned.

• The four hijacked jetliners were actually operated by remote control without any crew or passengers. [Editor’s Note: This one is also popular on the streets of Pakistan.]

• Osama bin Laden once dated Princess Diana.

• A series of massive terrorist attacks was scheduled to occur in Boston on September 22.

• The Australian Prime Minister canceled his trip to New York City after getting tipped off about the attacks.

• An escaped mental patient danced around nude high atop of the debris of the World Trade Center before being hauled off by FBI agents.

• The Illuminati - or any number of other secret societies - was behind the attack.

• Osama bin Laden owns stock in gum Arabic, an emulsifier used in soft drinks.

• Psychic tarot card reader Miss Cleo predicted the attack - two weeks after it happened.

BONUS: Nostradamus predicted the terrorist attack with the following quatrain: “In the City of God there will be a great thunder, two brothers torn apart by Chaos, while the fortress endures, the great leader will succumb.” [Editor’s Note: Nostradamus was full of shit.]

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